Mental Health is important both personally and openly to others that face it. It’s a topic that can be nervewracking to talk about or may seem embarrassing. Let the conversation start and MAY it continue. I wrote this with mind and heart.
The saying ‘It’s a small world’ is true only because we are all already connected in some way. It just takes a moment of impact. It doesn’t even need to be a huge impact. The world is like High School, we are all split into different categories. They have been changing over the years but we still have a long way to go. Before we get to know someone we prejudge who they are just by looking at them. We have already placed them into a category.
The category you have placed them in may be right. They may just fit in. Is it because of their style, colour or background? These are the main reason why they would be quickly placed. Did you ever think that they’re in the wrong category or maybe they want to get out of that category? Behind every style, colour or background there is an individual. A person who wants to make their own decision and not be forced into a category because it’s easy. It’s as though when you try to move from the stereotypical judgment, it’s so much harder. If they actually tried to find out who I was. Me. Not the thousands that I may seem to be. Surprise! I’ve turned out NOT to be the person you assumed I was.
“It’s a really good cloak.”
This is when everyone begins to over think things. I may want to wear a hoodie because I like hoodies, sure I may wear it at night. Then it becomes a question of is she a criminal? You’re not given a chance because of those actual stereotypical individuals that have made it that much more difficult.
There are so many individuals out there that can actually surprise you for the better. That’s if you give them the chance. Of course, there’s going to be the stereotypes but that ‘Nerd’ can become the ‘Jock’. Even the ‘Gangster’ can become a ‘Nerd’ or may have always been one. We shouldn’t be defined by a stereotype or make assumptions as soon as you see someone. You don’t and why don’t you know because you never asked. It may be difficult to show who you are but once you break through it’s the best feeling.
“You can either ride with us, or collide with us.” – Tupac
I know I can be insecure about myself, who isn’t? It can be the smallest things that people don’t even notice or the ones that everyone does. There are so many parts of ourselves we can be insecure about, from the things we do, to what we say and how we look. It’s a nightmare constantly thinking about it. Sometimes it just consumes you completely.
There are people out there that can overcome their insecurities in a day or maybe even a week. Then there are those like me who have taken so much longer. I mean we are talking about years.
Your insecurities always come from somewhere. Once upon a time we didn’t even notice them, but as we grow older we look around and begin to compare ourselves with others. There is one insecurity I have because someone told me it over and over again. I never even thought of it being an insecurity, but it’s like having a song on repeat eventually you will know all the words. Eventually I believed it and I thought it was true.
I had to climb a mountain to overcome that insecurity. Not a real mountain but I’ve actually climbed a real mountain! You understand what I mean. As much as I wanted to fly to the top, I’m not Superwoman. There’s no such thing as shortcuts. I was told to forget it and stop worrying because I knew it wasn’t true. I did try to just push it aside, although it was like watching a in the Jack in the box.
I didn’t know when but I knew it would spring right back up. Me being the person I see in the mirror everyday. The person feeling so out of place. You are constantly reminded and the power of your insecurities has such a strong hold.
“So you see, I just wanna believe in me.”
When you are rushed to overcome your insecurities, I believe that it makes it worse. You put so much more pressure on yourself. Maybe this insecurity I have seems silly to others but it’s mine. I understand that people, especially those that are close to you are trying to help. I would just appreciate the patience and well as the support. The continuing tug would just make me fall back down to where I started with what got me there in the first place.
Insecurity is powerful and has a hold of each one of us. Some may even have more than others. I just know with each insecurity I have, no matter how long it takes I will work on it.
I don’t want more negative words thrown at me, but that’s what makes you want to prove to yourself. It may just be later but I will.
The next step will be embracing that insecurity in a more positive and productive way.
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Do you know what’s annoying about having a bad experience? That voice in the back of your mind. “Hey remember the time that didn’t work out and was a terrible disaster? You shouldn’t try that again, it’s just going to end the same way.” Your trust level goes down real quick and that wall has gotten even higher.
People will say you shouldn’t live life to assume things are going to fail. I’ve even said that to people. Why are you thinking so negatively? It suddenly dawned on me looking at my own experience, I found it’s not negativity. It’s about preparing yourself. You’ve seen the same thing play out before. It hasn’t stopped you from trying again but there’s just a delay getting your hopes up. It actually makes success that much greater!
Is it bad to say that it’s better having these bad experiences? You become numb to those emotional rollercoaster rides. It makes it easier to overcome, so you don’t have to go on those rides anymore! You may come across as heartless but the truth is that you’ve been hurt so many times you just don’t feel it as much anymore. It’s important to feel it, but if I can get out of one situation ok then that would be great. Puffy eyes are the worst!
When we open up to people we are taking a giant step. The trust step. Trusting that those words that flow out of your mouth will not be used as a weapon or be thrown back at you. We all see things differently. Your pain may not be my pain and my pain may not be your pain, but if we are open to see it. We can work together. There are way too many people feeling alone in this world.
You must think I’m stupid. You must think that I’m a fool. I’ve been here before and saw the rainbows and butterflies thinking finally I’m getting somewhere… then BAM! Black Lightning zaps me into reality (I don’t know how he got involved). My point is when you say to yourself. “This is it. This is the person or the thing I can put my all into. And I’m going to be accepted for who I am and not have it thrown back in my face.” It gets thrown and the closed sign goes up.
“And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry.”
Saying goodbye may become easy, but saying hello becomes much more difficult. They never said life would be easy and there’s no in between. I appreciate the voice in my head and I appreciate those that will continue to try even though that wall may be sky high. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect yourself, considering those past experiences.
I’ve learned it’s fine to be cautious but I’m not going to live on eggshells. There could have been many people in history that remained to live that way and there wouldn’t have been as many changes as there is today. It’s a better feeling knowing that time you took a chance it finally turned out great.
The pain makes you stronger.
If you refuse to open up to someone that’s meant to be close to you, there’s a chance you’ll lose them. You may not have such a sad response to that as the last person you was close to hurt you. That’s the reason you don’t want to open up. Those that are meant to protect us, give us the biggest pain. I say tread lightly but don’t close off. Don’t give them the power of letting you miss out on something that can put you back together.
“History never really says goodbye. History says, See you later.” Eduardo Galeano
– Too Good At Goodbyes –