Mental Health is important both personally and openly to others that face it. It’s a topic that can be nervewracking to talk about or may seem embarrassing. Let the conversation start and MAY it continue. I wrote this with mind and heart.
We may have people but there’s that one person in particular that just understand and knows you without even having to say a word.
It’s an instant click. The first time it happens you instantly question ‘Where have you been my whole life?’ Unless of course, they’ve already been there your whole life.
They know you through all your emotions. What you do when you’re happy. What you stop doing when you’re sad. Even just by a facial expression, they know the whole story of what you were about to tell them.
“Well hold on, my darling, this mess was yours, now your mess is mine.”
This is your person. Whatever you through you go through together. There’s no way I will allow my person to go through anything alone and even if they want to be. I’ll be sitting right outside waiting until they do. Your mess in mine and of course mine is yours. I’m there and always will be even if you try to push me away because of how overwhelmed you may be feeling at the time.
You’re not getting rid of me that easily or at all. I need you just as much. No matter how many miles away you’re my first call and when you call me I’ll answer. (If not leave a voicemail). 😀
There were times I felt stuck and useless but you helped me gain the strength and broke down the barriers for me to keep going. We all need a person and I am thankful for the one I forever and will always have.
We’ve got that Meredith and Cristina kinda love. You’re my person.
“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.
– Samuel Smiles
The people that I have let into my life. We often forget that they can be gone and we don’t like to think about it, although there will be that moment when it’s all you think about. Then quickly kick it out of your mind. I have always found it difficult to let people in for many reasons but that would be first in line. Not just for me but for everyone. We have so much technology with these apps that connect us wherever we are in the world. So a friend in Canada seems as though they are down the road from me in London.
As consumed as we are with the Internet, it’s what keeps us connected. Some people are so overboard let’s be honest. They can walk down the road and not lift their head up once and wonder how they stepped in dog poo. Even though that person should be fined for letting their dog poo there… moving on. The point that I’m making is that we don’t know what is around the corner. Someone ‘clever’ would say another road. Gold star. There could be but whilst they’re walking down that road with their face in their phone. That contact they have may not answer. Not because they are in the bathroom or in a meeting, but because they are gone.
This is not about using your phone more. This is about really appreciating and using that communication. Sure you can say I’ll call her later. Sure you can say I’ll text her to meet up some time. I apologise, who texts anymore? Whatsapp or Facebook… whatever. We can be busy and have other things to do, but time can be made as time matters. We all know life is too short, but we need to remember not to take each other for granted. Sometimes we even just need to shove the phones out of the way and really be in each others company. Then again there will be no selfies or Snapchat updates.
There will always be that disagreement or argument. There will never be full peace as much as we ask. Just as long as we stick together with the people that matter at the end, that’s what will keep us moving even after they are gone.
“I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you.”
The saying ‘It’s a small world’ is true only because we are all already connected in some way. It just takes a moment of impact. It doesn’t even need to be a huge impact. The world is like High School, we are all split into different categories. They have been changing over the years but we still have a long way to go. Before we get to know someone we prejudge who they are just by looking at them. We have already placed them into a category.
The category you have placed them in may be right. They may just fit in. Is it because of their style, colour or background? These are the main reason why they would be quickly placed. Did you ever think that they’re in the wrong category or maybe they want to get out of that category? Behind every style, colour or background there is an individual. A person who wants to make their own decision and not be forced into a category because it’s easy. It’s as though when you try to move from the stereotypical judgment, it’s so much harder. If they actually tried to find out who I was. Me. Not the thousands that I may seem to be. Surprise! I’ve turned out NOT to be the person you assumed I was.
“It’s a really good cloak.”
This is when everyone begins to over think things. I may want to wear a hoodie because I like hoodies, sure I may wear it at night. Then it becomes a question of is she a criminal? You’re not given a chance because of those actual stereotypical individuals that have made it that much more difficult.
There are so many individuals out there that can actually surprise you for the better. That’s if you give them the chance. Of course, there’s going to be the stereotypes but that ‘Nerd’ can become the ‘Jock’. Even the ‘Gangster’ can become a ‘Nerd’ or may have always been one. We shouldn’t be defined by a stereotype or make assumptions as soon as you see someone. You don’t and why don’t you know because you never asked. It may be difficult to show who you are but once you break through it’s the best feeling.
“You can either ride with us, or collide with us.” – Tupac
It’s easy to give up. Just quit and say no. Why should we push through something so hard and stress over it? The headaches and constant tiredness. The amount of effort. It’s too much.
To be honest it’s not enough. When it comes to something we love or someone. We need to try. Get up and try and try again. Giving up is easy but then comes regret and the what ifs. The amount of time and effort will eventually get you where you want to go. Sure eventually can be a long time but not everything happens overnight. I’m lucky enough to have people around me that can help or even push me through and I’m taking the opportunity. It’s difficult doing things alone but it’s not impossible. There are many people in this world that have proved that.
I know I need to keep trying and when I get back in that place thinking I can’t. I need to remember I can because I’m doing it.If I don’t make it then clearly there is another path that awaits me. We always learn something new about ourselves and we should never forget that. There are places I want to go and there are places I need to be.
“You gotta get up and try and try and try.”
I mentioned before about getting stuck. It will forever be an ongoing thing. We all need someone whether we realise it or not. It can be someone you’ve known for years or even a few seconds.
The person that I need is no longer here. I say their name and they can’t hear me. They are no longer by my side. It is not by choice. It’s because of circumstances that have occurred. Now we are thousands of miles apart. The lucky thing however is I can still reach out to them. They may not be there for me as quickly as they were before but I can still count on them. I thought distance would be a problem and we always think that way. It is different. Having to wait because of the time zone. Having to wait because they’re are busy. Thankfully for me I know it’s worth the wait, because that message and that conversation means more to me. I can vent and be upset but know I will be okay at the end. Knowing my next step and laughing at why I was upset in the first place!!
Unfortunately there are those that wish to speak to people but are no longer here. There are also those that have had people walk away by choice. I am not taking the person I now have for granted. Sure it’s difficult to trust someone new but there was no fear this time. It was an instant trust and that’s something to hang on to. I know I won’t be let down. It may still be at the back of my mind, but doubt always is. In this case this friendship overpowers it.
It can be difficult to take that leap but I’ve been taught to take the risk. It can turn out to be something amazing. If it doesn’t then at least you had the strength to do so. That’s just life everything is not going to be easy you can be left behind, you can be forgotten about, you can get hurt. It’s those challenges and the negative things we fall from that will make us that much stronger and that much wiser to get back up.
I’ve mentioned in the past about the things that we should let go. I didn’t really stress about the things that we shouldn’t let go. As difficult as it can be to let things go, it’s just as hard to hold on.
There have been many times I’ve let things go because I literally thought it was the right thing to do. Other times I was thinking too much about the past and convinced myself the same thing would happen again. The question is how will you know? Majority of the time you find out when it’s too late.
I don’t want to fall into the trap of hoping things will get better and they don’t or letting things go when the future later shows it would have gotten better.
So what do you do? How do you know the relationship is going to last? How do you know the job is going to turn around? How do you know you will do a good job being a parent? How do you know you will be there when that person needs you?
Time can be wasted. Yes, but if you don’t take that leap of faith you will never know. The constant speculations doesn’t help but if you know deep down that this is the right thing to do. If you believe there is something. Commit yourself. You may be blamed for even trying if things fall apart but you truly thought it would work out. Not everything works out and that’s okay, that’s just how life. Don’t look back with regret look back with pride that you took that opportunity to try.
“Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.”
I would have loved to grow up with both parents but the decision was clearly made. If he truly thought he could stay then he would have no excuses behind it. Now I look back and if he had stayed then that would have been a bad idea. If he was committed and made it work then I would have been happier. Let’s be honest there’s always something missing.
What is it worth?
If you are willing to stay. If someone is willing to stay. Then it’s worth fighting for and if its easier than that then great! Don’t let go of something that can turn into something amazing. The end result may not be how you visioned it but if you’re still smiling like you was in that vision, I guess mission accomplished.
Tell them you will try not to let go. Tell them you won’t let go.
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
– Say You Won’t Let Go –
I know I can be insecure about myself, who isn’t? It can be the smallest things that people don’t even notice or the ones that everyone does. There are so many parts of ourselves we can be insecure about, from the things we do, to what we say and how we look. It’s a nightmare constantly thinking about it. Sometimes it just consumes you completely.
There are people out there that can overcome their insecurities in a day or maybe even a week. Then there are those like me who have taken so much longer. I mean we are talking about years.
Your insecurities always come from somewhere. Once upon a time we didn’t even notice them, but as we grow older we look around and begin to compare ourselves with others. There is one insecurity I have because someone told me it over and over again. I never even thought of it being an insecurity, but it’s like having a song on repeat eventually you will know all the words. Eventually I believed it and I thought it was true.
I had to climb a mountain to overcome that insecurity. Not a real mountain but I’ve actually climbed a real mountain! You understand what I mean. As much as I wanted to fly to the top, I’m not Superwoman. There’s no such thing as shortcuts. I was told to forget it and stop worrying because I knew it wasn’t true. I did try to just push it aside, although it was like watching a in the Jack in the box.
I didn’t know when but I knew it would spring right back up. Me being the person I see in the mirror everyday. The person feeling so out of place. You are constantly reminded and the power of your insecurities has such a strong hold.
“So you see, I just wanna believe in me.”
When you are rushed to overcome your insecurities, I believe that it makes it worse. You put so much more pressure on yourself. Maybe this insecurity I have seems silly to others but it’s mine. I understand that people, especially those that are close to you are trying to help. I would just appreciate the patience and well as the support. The continuing tug would just make me fall back down to where I started with what got me there in the first place.
Insecurity is powerful and has a hold of each one of us. Some may even have more than others. I just know with each insecurity I have, no matter how long it takes I will work on it.
I don’t want more negative words thrown at me, but that’s what makes you want to prove to yourself. It may just be later but I will.
The next step will be embracing that insecurity in a more positive and productive way.
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
These shoes that I now wear have been through quite a lot. Including all the others that I’ve grown out of or broke.
I mean I can honestly say I’ve been through the motions and I’m still walking but in different shoes now. They are more comfortable and look great. I am talking about my new Skechers but I’m also talking about me. We all have our stories and that began the moment we were born.
We have experienced the action, drama, horror, adventure, comedy and even Sci-fi. I haven’t seen an alien yet unless it’s a Men In Black thing and they are around but look like everyone else or the Neuralyzer has been used on me so many times.
I have questioned myself and wondered how I have overcome what I have, but I’m just glad I did. There are those that come into our lives that don’t take the chance to understand or really get to know you. The experiences we go through change us maybe there’s have changed them to a point they just don’t care anymore.
So why not take that moment, to walk in each other’s shoes. I mean they can have my old ones because my Skechers are on a new journey. We will both get to understand one another better, even those parts we lack in ourselves. You never know they may be the ones to help fill that area.
“I walk a mile in your shoes and now I’m a mile away… and I got your shoes.”
If the shoe doesn’t fit, make it! No matter how tight and uncomfortable because that’s what some people have had to face. Deplete how quick you may be to judge.
I make it my mission to try and walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. You can’t just look at a person and assume you know their story. Once I’m a mile away and have those shoes. I will give them back. It can be a complete stranger who is raging at me, I’ll sprint in their shoes for a moment. There’s a reason for why they are angry and that could be me or something unresolved. It’s just a waste of energy to fight back especially when the Hulk is involved. Unless we’re both angry then it’s Clash of the Titans. You never know that one calm or even funny response may have been all they needed to just chill out a bit.
This could turn out to be a good story you tell. When you actually allow yourself to open up and really see others. It changes your perspective. Understand the choices and reasons as to why they are the way they are.
So whether it’s a friend, family member or a stranger I will walk, glide, jog and even run in their shoes. It’s like going on a shopping spree some may look good or look really bad. Either way, there are shoes out there for everyone.
“Shoes define how you walk in the world and how you stand: like, what is your posture in life?” – Kerry Washington
– Comeback Story –
Kings Of Leon
It’s true what they say, that nobody’s perfect. I guess we were at one point and that’s the moment we took our first breath on this earth. Who knew that later in life we would make so many mistakes. I say so many which include the small and big mistakes we have made.
I mean who would you be if you were perfect anyway? How would you learn from your mistakes? You can easily say I just wouldn’t do what others do, but my question still remains. How would you learn from YOUR mistakes? It’s that feeling of regret, panic, and despair.
I know that those are not good feelings to have, but after processing it you are prepared for the next step. That step is growth, you now know what to avoid so you don’t end up trapped in those feelings again. They can consume you and sometimes leave you stuck.
There are those that do take it for granted, especially those who have been forgiven more than once. I mean there is a limit, right? It’s quite clear that if those same mistakes occur more than once it’s not a mistake anymore. It’s a choice. If you choose to continue, I can choose to let you go.
Majority of the time when it is someone close to you it can be hard. That is the challenge we face, but I’m sure having them feel the consequence is stronger than them being forgiven again. You let them off the hook, then how are we going to catch any fish??
“Cause nobody’s perfect, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobody’s perfect.”
There are worse mistakes that can be made. Those are the hardest ones to come back from. Those are the kind we definitely try to avoid.
Nobody is perfect so don’t try to hide your mistakes. Get those jazz hands out and be honest. If you wait the reaction can be much worse. I say that but there are those that really punish people to the extreme when it’s unnecessary.
We all have someone that we really don’t want to let down. For some that can be everybody. If things fall apart, put it back together. Don’t feel that you failed. As long as you’re trying it makes a difference.
I will continue with my days, I won’t prepare myself for the next thing I do wrong. As that is just setting doubt on myself. I’ll just stay focused on the next good thing that will happen.
“Nobody’s perfect, and to try to pretend you’re perfect is an exhausting fool’s errand.” – Rosemary Mahoney
– Nobody’s Perfect –
When that relationship begins whatever it is, what should go through our minds? How long will it last or how long we hope it will last? I guess those are the questions we shouldn’t ask, but we do! Whether it’s right at the beginning or throughout the relationship. It’s not a negative thought, there are many emotions that are related to those questions.
Fear because you don’t want to lose the relationship. Sadness because you might lose the relationship. Surprised because you even have the relationship. Happiness because you still have the relationship. Anger because you’re still in it.
There it is people. The anger part or annoyed or bored. Whatever it is you’re in the red. Now every relationship goes into the red zone (Not red for love, red for danger!!!!!). There are many that chose to push through it, fight it or just stay in it. If you chose to stay in it then that is one miserable relationship. Unless we are looking at it from a red meaning love perspective. There is no point in remaining in something that just makes you feel stuck like you can’t be happy again.
Time to let it go. I’d rather be able to wake up in the morning and recognize myself, then seeing a complete stranger. When you lose yourself it can become harder to get back. You could have even spent that time before you met that person finding yourself and to have that taken away, is not worth it.
Ain’t no clouds in my sky (Although London is not helping in that weather department). Chose to let it go. Be free to be you again.
“So come on, let it go, Just let it be, Why don’t you be you, And I’ll be me.”
The same questions will come to mind in a new relationship but don’t compare it to the last. Otherwise, you’re just going to start in the red zone. That is something I really need to realize. Clearly, I have because I just said it, but I need to take action! The next relationship may be the same as before but GUESS WHAT, it’s like searching for a pair of really nice new trainers (Sneakers, Zapatillas, Baskets). You may find it quickly or have to search to a website abroad and get it shipped over taking longer but it will be worth the wait!! (Gotta love my examples!).
This could be about work or any decision you made that you feel you need to let go of. Sometimes we find ourselves in tough situations where it’s not easy to just let go. We can make the first step in the right direction. We all have goals and the light at the end of the tunnel even if it feels like it’s miles away. Keep pushing!
There are going to be others that would want to have an input into your decision. You can receive them but this is about you. This is about your situation. Let it be and bring on the next chapter.
We all know we need more smiles.
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
To take the lead can be difficult whether you are a man or a woman. In history, however, it’s been seen that women are less “capable”. There are many arguments as to why but that’s all becoming background noise. The noise we need to be hearing are those that say I’ve got this and actually giving them the support they deserve to prove they do. I often don’t like using that word prove. I won’t prove it, I will simply show you. This will constantly be a debate like many other issues we are facing but by simply giving someone a chance and not being so difficult about their gender, you may learn a thing or two. Like how “capable” they are. I guess easy is simply boring and a challenge is more fun. There are many that will accept that challenge, hasn’t stopped people in the past. We should be equals, for those that push forward for us, we should support and push forward for them.
– Proud Mary –
Taraji P. Henson